Out of our routine and into a rough road...

You know how I've said in the past that I thrive in routine...  I'm a control freak.  I bask in rituals and repetitions.  Boring is good for me...

Well, since my last post, boring would not be the correct adjective to describe the experiences our family has been through.  More like heartbreaking, difficult, unbelievable and devastating...

Three days following my last post, my brother-in-law, Tony, received the call he had been waiting for for the last 9 months.  A new heart was awaiting him in Shands Hospital in Gainesville. Tony suffered from cardiomyopathy and although he lived a full life for roughly 12 years with this condition, it was inevitable that he would need a heart transplant.  Filled with optimism, hope and gratitude, Tony received his heart on May 3rd, in what seemed to be an uneventful transplant.

Upon visiting him just roughly 24 hours after the procedure, my husband, mom and nephew who accompanied me to Shands, could hardly believe our eyes.  Tony looked amazing!  I kept saying and thinking how it seemed he had undergone a Tonsillectomy, not a heart transplant!

For the next few days, Tony seemed to be recovering nicely, albeit some minor common issues like tiredness, shortness of breath, etc...  However, the day before Mother's Day, he just didn't feel well.  Already home, I communicated with my sister who informed me that he just didn't look right...

Sparing all of you and myself with the heartbreaking details, Tony basically underwent a series of cardiac arrests, multiple infections, liver and kidney damage, a spleenectomy, probably hundreds of blood transfusions, medications, interventions, etc...  for roughly 9 weeks.  It was a hard, grueling nine weeks.  Throughout this time, my sister kept a faith-filled vigil by his side.  Family members and friends came and went, including myself.  But my sister remained bedside.  With determined faith-filled prayer and acceptance, she continually asked Christ for strength and fortitude to help her confront each unpredictable moment.  Christ never fails.  And that's exactly what He did.  On July 12th, Tony's body could not withstand any further and he passed on.  And my sister displayed the most strength, faith and acceptance in these circumstances than I've ever witnessed in another human being.  I'm humbled by her.

Trying to recount the last 2+ months in details would be impossible.  So I will just say this.  Grief is not a state, it's a process.  It's processed by individuals in different forms.  There is no right way to grieve.  However, it can be all-consuming.  It can devastate you and it can tear your world to pieces.
Tony's passing has affected me and my family in ways that only those who have loved and lost someone, fairly young, can relate.  It rips your heart out.  It shakes you to your core.  It literally takes your breath away.  But those of us who live a faith filled life and who have a support system seem to fare a bit better.  I see it in my sister.  She's a living example of it.  You've got to grieve, yell, scream, cry, hurt or even punch a wall.  And one day, one day, I hope, that her, and all of those who have lost a loved one, learn to "dance" again, even if it's with the "limp" that their loved one's departing has left in their hearts.  With God and love, all things are possible.

Tony, we promise you, to hold on to the memories we created and laugh at the fun times we shared.  You are missed.

Chugging along....

At least I didn't wait 3 months, only 1 month to blog!

Things are going well.  Hard to believe it will be May tomorrow.  We are counting down till summer.  Obviously, it always seems like it's summer in Florida, but truly, it's not.  Our 'winters' are sometimes a bit too cold for the pool, so we really look forward to summer. In the summer, we just hang out!  I love the fact that there's not much of a routine.  I was thinking this summer we would tackle a bit more crafts than we usually do.  I told Anel that we should try and do a craft a week.  Alia is at that age when you can actually do a craft with her and enjoy it!  This will of course, take place while the twins nap. I am so NOT a crafty person.  I wish I had the patience of my sister, who can spend hours doing crafts.  But I get desperate and impatient.  Maybe a lesson in patience that I need to learn....

Anyhow, I am looking forward to our annual family trip in July.  This time we are going to Anna Maria Island.  We have never been there, so it should be interesting.

A bit before that is Anel's birthday, which we seem to celebrate the entire month of July.  Last year we started a new tradition for her birthday.  Instead of celebrating with a birthday party, we go away for a 'girls' weekend.  She picks a location and we just make it a beach girls weekend.  Last year we went to Deerfield Beach with my sister and my niece and had an absolutely wonderful time.  This time I am pushing for the Marriott in Harbor Beach.  We'll see if that happens.

We will be celebrating Mother's Day by going out to dinner with the family. This is another tradition that we started a few years back.  We felt that by going out to dinner, no "mom" is obligated to carry the work of hosting it.  It has worked out very well, and I am really looking forward to it.

Here's wishing all the Mom's out there a blessed day.  My mission in life is simple- to love unconditionally and hope that my children make life choices that reflect who we are as a family and as individuals.  Easier said than done.

Regardless, I am blessed.

Last year's Mother's Day lunch at El Novillo.  May 2011

Milestones

I intended for this blog to be a weekly chronicle of our lives, so that one day my daughters would be able to look back at where we were and what we did.  Shame on me.  I last blogged in December.  I'll try to do a better job!

So, where have we been since?  Or what has happened?  We celebrated the holidays much like we do every year, counting our blessings and eating till our bellies nearly burst.  Don't you just love that time of year?  We gather with our loved ones, reflecting on the year past and planning for the year ahead.  It was, as always, a great time in our home.  And for that, we are so thankful!

My sister Emoy's gift to Herman!

Twins turn 3!

Alia turns 7!

Twins and Alia's Birthday!

Mom's 79th Birthday!

The girls and Ciara their cousin at Sea World!

Daddy and his girls!

Twins looking cute on Valentine's Day!

On to 2012, we started in January by celebrating Herman's 50th Birthday!  When we met, Herman was 32, a "baby" I guess, although being 8 years older than me, I always thought of him as "older" when we met.  We had a low key dinner at home, that's what he wanted, not too surprised there.  Then comes February, a busy month for us.  Alia, Ania and Aila have birthdays.  We celebrated Alia's birthday with a gathering of her school friends at home, and then we celebrated the twins and Alia at home the following week. Then we celebrated my Mom's 79th birthday, at IHOP, since this is her favorite "American" restaurant, she tells me.  We gathered a bunch of her "girlfriends" mostly, family and had a nice lunch.  Then we went crazy and went to Sea World for President's Day weekend.  The crowds were crazy, but the girls had fun.  And since we now have yearly passes, I assure you we will visit again soon.  I tell you, busy is an understatement.

As I wrote in the previous post, the twins turned 3, and three is big for us.  I am happy to say, they are "toilet trained!"  Having bought $100 worth of diapers for the last three years every time I step foot in Costco, I am thrilled to say those days are behind us.  Mind you, I hang out with a cute Dora potty chair in the trunk of my SUV, but that's okay.  I can deal with that.  So now the talking.  Boy, can they talk.  Aila has always followed Ania's lead, she seems to be the "leader" and I can say that they are now both very verbal.  They really do imitate each other all day and repeat each other's words.  As I've said before, it's great to see the connection they share.  Although they fight, physically, they still love each other very much!  We are so blessed to have them.

Anel is doing very well in middle school.  She recently made it to Principal's Honor Roll, which means she got straight A's in all subjects this semester.  That is quite an accomplishment, and we are beaming with joy.  Middle school is a very different ball game.  She gives up time during her weekends to catch up on work that she feels she needs to review, like Mathematics or Literature.  I tell her, if it was easy, everyone would make it to Honor Roll right?  That's just the way it is.  Wait till she gets to high school and college.

Alia is doing well in 1st grade, although she has had her rough spots here and there in terms of conduct.  I have bribed her with a "Mystery Bag" - if she doesn't change her behavior card for three days, she gets a treat from the bag.  It has worked for the most part.  Alia makes parenting the equivalent of going in for a root canal, or setting your hair on fire.  Enough said.

Herman continues to travel extensively which is great for our Marriott Rewards Points, but not so great for my sanity.  But I've learned to deal with it, and with the help of good friends who help me taking and bringing the girls to school, I've been able to manage.

I hope to update this blog much more regularly from here on out.

Thanks for reading up to this point, and here's hoping I blog some more this week, because, I am blessed!

Another year- gone!

Hard to believe we are in the last few days of 2011.  It seems like yesterday, it was January, 2011.  Makes me realize, not that I didn't know this already, that time goes by too quickly.  Or is it that we don't take the time to stop and savor the moments?  Is technology occupying our every living minute, and the minutes keep ticking while we keep ticking on our ipads, ipods, tablets, laptops, etc...  I don't know, but what I do know is that my girls are growing at a rapid pace, and so are everyone else's as I receive card after card this holiday season.  Friends that are far away send me yearly cards, and the comparison of this card to the previous year is downright scary.  I mean, what do these kids eat?

Speaking of eating, it's that time of year when we all, myself included, start thinking that next year will be the year to lose those pounds that we've been hanging on to for the last couple of years.  No offense to those who do, I don't make New Year's resolutions.  I learned that I can't keep them, so I'm better off not making them and sticking to little goals, such as, I'll eat healthier, try to walk a few days a week, etc...  They are my goals all year long, every day of any year.  Sometimes I hit, many times I miss.  But I don't sweat it like I used to.  I don't obsess over it like I used to.  I want to be healthy and be around for my kids for many more years, but I won't let it consume me like it did pre-children.  I mean, I had nothing else to think about then, now did I?

No, I don't make resolutions, but I do reflect on where I am at, and where I'd like to be.  We are now at what I like to call the wonderful turning point.  The twins will be 3 in February.  For me, three is wonderful.  My two oldest were transformed at three.  Their communication improved dramatically, we got rid of the diapers, and things just got easier all around.  With the twins, I'm hoping the same magic will occur.  We already notice a change. We can now go out to dinner, the six of us, and I can actually finish my meal, without the need of popping 4 Tums during the course of the dinner.  I mean, it was not pretty.  But that's where we WERE at.  Anel and Alia are doing very well in school and are maturing and physically growing at dramatic rates.  (Pre-tweens have very noticeable growth spurts!?)  They are role models for their little sisters and the twins couldn't love them more.  Do they all get along wonderfully all the time? NO!  But it's clear that they are connected in a way only sisters can be!  And it's beautiful to watch!

Where would I like to be?  The answer may shock you.  But it's nowhere else but right here, right now.  Is life perfect? NO.  Do I wish some things were different? YES.  But I have a beautiful family, an amazing extended family, healthy children, a roof over my head and food on the table.  I have met Maslow's hierarchy of needs. This right now will never come again.  So I am savoring this moment, learning how to breathe and let the unimportant things slide by me, and thinking that tomorrow might be a good day to take a 30 minute walk.
From our family to yours, have a wonderful Holiday!

I am blessed.

Alia, that mouth!

Those of you that know Alia, know Alia.  Those of you that don't, will, after this post.  This girl is something else.  She's said many things to me throughout her 6 short years, but some really stand out.  This morning, while having breakfast, she was asked by Herman to stop talking and eat her cereal. This girl talks. And talks, and talks.  She quickly responded, "Well, what do I have my mouth for, for talking, right?"  GULP....  He just looked at me, and I looked at him.  We were speechless.  For me, it was borderline rude, but I know she's testing the waters.  And I know she's Alia.  I breathed, (Thank you, Conscious Discipline) - and I remained silent.  She's partially right? What do I say?  I chose to say nothing at the time.  Later in the day, when she returns from school, I will replay that scenario with her, and suggest other ways of responding, without being so darn blunt.  And I will do that.  Part of me though, is in awe of her.  She's 6.  She stands up for what she feels, and darn it, she says it!  Is that a good quality to have?  As a woman? As a person who has strong beliefs?  I hope she carries that tenacity with her throughout the rest of her life.  I know that if she does, when she falters of that road that we have (hopefully) paved for her, and falter she will, she will have the faith, determination and self assurance to get right back on it.  I love her.  She drives me crazy. She is responsible for every white hair on my head.  But she reminds me, daily, without a doubt, that her mouth is for talking.  And talk she does.

I am blessed.

Disney, Play set, and Santa

It's been a while since I've posted, longer than I thought.  The idea of posting has been lingering in my head for a while, just quite hadn't gotten to my fingers and my laptop.  Anywho- (as my daughters now say) here I am.  Funny how you pick up things from YOUR kids, as they do from you.  Funny and scary. 


So, what have we been up to?  We ventured out to Disney a couple of weeks ago.  I was terrified of taking the twins.  Not terrified as in what can Disney do to my twins, but what can my twins do to Disney.  Specifically, Aila.  Specifically, her vocal chords.  I mean, the girl can belch out screams like no one I've ever seen.  I figured she would scream from the moment we got off the hotel bus, to the moment we got back on it.  Well, what do you know?  Wasn't bad at all.  My oldest sister is always reminding me that I have very low expectations of my kids, in terms of their behavior.  She's probably right.  I just don't like setting myself up for disappointments.  So I figure, expect bad, and if you get good, you'll be satisfied.  They were great!  We divided and conquered.  Anel, (gasp) was ready to take on the "more adventurous rides" like Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, etc... and so Herman took her on those and I took the little ones to the other, more kiddie rides.  We got together for family rides, and it worked out great!  Jason, my nephew joined us on Friday, and needless to say, that made it so much easier.  Bless him.  At this rate, he will never have his own children.  This is the same Jason who babysat for us last year when we went to Disney without the twins.  Can you say birth control?  HEHEHE.  The twins hated the characters, more like were terrified, but really liked the princesses.   All around, I'm glad we took them.  We also got to spend time with my other sister, Emoy and her family, which was fantastic.  Love to spend time with the family. 


So on to the play set.  Herman and I have been discussing the need for a play set in our backyard.  Well, not the need, but the desire.  Herman, being Herman, figures that if we have a play set, why would I ever suggest that we take them to a park again?  I'm one step ahead of him- I've got 17 yrs. under my belt next to this guy.  (Herman, we'll be going to parks, my dear, sorry.)  I do agree it would be nice, not necessarily a need.  Anywho, we figured, this is the year.  So off we went play set shopping, with the best testers, the twins.  Those of you that know Herman well, know that bigger is better for him.  (Does that apply to my weight too?)....  So he decided that we needed not one, not two, but three slides.  So after going back and forth and north and south and east and west, and I mean that literally, all over town, we ended up with a Costco play set, ONLINE.  Should've never left my house!  But of course, nothing is easy, Costco won't install that particular set, and without boring you with more details, we found a local dealer, same playset, with installation, great price.  Pictures forthcoming.  Installation date - Nov. 14.  Then the dilemma, how do we get around to making that a Christmas gift, on Nov. 14, for Alia?  Problem solved.  It's an early birthday gift, Alia.  Real early.  If I tell her otherwise, the cat will be out of the bag.  That girl is way toooooo smart!  


Which leads me to my final topic.  Santa.  It was time.  Time for Anel.  I was torn.  I knew I had to confirm her suspicions, but it was killing me.  Killing me as in knowing that this was the end of an illusion, but also the beginning of a new phase.  So when she asked me, point blank, this summer, I had to be honest.  I hope that I did a good job of acknowledging the truth to her, but also being open and true about the true meaning of the holiday season, the importance of keeping that illusion alive for her siblings and cousins, and most importantly keeping that holiday spark and spirit alive within her.  She knew, she just needed to hear it from me.  She was emotional and upset initially, but then she absorbed it all in and I was stunned at her later reaction. She couldn't believe the sacrifices that we all make to please our children during the holidays.  I was proud.  Some adults still don't get that.  Next on the list, Alia.  I know I have a few more years, or at least, I hope to.  Knowing Alia, though, she may just corner me this Christmas.  I'm not giving in.  Not yet. 


I am blessed. 

Back to School, Still not in School and Cleaning....

Last week, our two oldest, Anel and Alia began a new school year.  Anel entered 6th grade, middle school.  Lucky for her and us, the school she attends goes to 8th grade, so she didn't have to enter a new school, just go upstairs to the "Middle School."  She was a bit apprehensive about it, but did much better than I expected.  Middle school involves a lot more teachers, a lot more organization and a greater interest in the way you look.  All of a sudden, it matters to her how her clothes fit, how her hair looks and weather or not her face looks good.  Of course, I always have and always will think she is gorgeous, but now I have to remind her everyday that she is beautiful just the way she is. Most importantly, in the "new" world of middle school, I am constantly telling her to be herself, be smart about who she associates herself with and what comes out of her mouth.  I am not looking forward to the teenage years.  God help me.

Alia, that little firecracker, just loves life.  So naturally, she loves school, her new teacher and first grade.  Lucky for us, her teacher seems to be awesome.  So caring, on top of things, and truly loves these children.  We are blessed to have Alia in her class.  Alia already reads rather well, and I give all credit to her K teacher.  This teacher seems to encourage all her students to perform to the best of their abilities, wherever that may be.  I love that.

The twins are still with me!  I had the option of placing them part-time in a preschool this year, but that would've meant that I had to potty train them in the summer.  So it's difficult enough to potty train, then try doing it with two simultaneously.  Not my idea of an enjoyable summer.  So I skipped that, and decided to keep them with me for one more year full-time.  Perhaps next fall, I might place them in a part-time setting.  But we'll see where we are at.  Although I am exhausted, me being the control freak that I am, I love being with my girls.  I love our routine, how much they're talking and interacting and how much they enjoy being around each other.  I know eventually I have to break that up, but for now it works.  Soon enough they will begin school.  And since this is it for us, as far as having any more children, (that's totally not happening), I plan on enjoying my time with them as much as I can.

So on to the "cleaning" heading of my post.  Some of you may think I have gone totally nuts after reading the next few sentences.  However, I will be honest.  I enjoy cleaning.  It's not an enjoyment where I wake up everyday and can hardly wait to get my hands on the vacuum.  No. Not like that.  It's more like when I feel it needs to happen and I'm totally in the mood, and I get into it, I like it!  I feel like I do a pretty darn good job at it...  So a little history here.  Early on in our marriage, Herman informed me that he hated cleaning and would not do it if his life depended on it.  He would rather get a root canal.  So, since I was working outside the home at the time, we agreed that we would hire someone to clean on a biweekly basis, and that way neither one of us would get stuck doing it.  That seemed fair.  Throughout our marriage and family life, we've been very very lucky to have the ability to hire someone to clean our home regularly.  Attending to small children and cleaning somehow becomes difficult, tedious, impossible.  Especially when your home is rather large.  So we have a large home that takes a lot of time to clean well.   Anyway, so our present cleaning person has dropped off the planet.  Nowhere to be found, gone, who knows where.  So I looked around about 2 months ago, after trying to track her down for weeks and decided that I should give it a shot.  Mind you, I'm constantly cleaning.  It's not like I sit around waiting for her to come when there are crumbs on the floor, dust on the tables, toys everywhere, etc....  But she does the 'major cleaning.'

So, I cleaned.  I cleaned, I'm cleaning and I am still cleaning.  I divide and conquer.  I do the bedrooms/bathrooms one day, and then living areas the next one or two days, depending on how the twins behave.  There are days that they cooperate and there are days that I have to clean when they nap.  Here's the rough part for some of you------  I LIKE IT!  There's a sense of satisfaction associated when you see what you've cleaned and how well it looks, sparkles, shines, smells!  Do I like to do it everyday?  NO.  Do I clean this way everyday?  NO.  Maybe once a month is the major stuff.  The minor stuff is daily.  So I thought I'd get that out there, cause I'm sure some of you feel the same way but are afraid to admit it.  (Just Kidding, this is not normal, I know.)  Herman thinks I'm nuts, but it keeps me busy, is a great workout, and shows my girls that sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.  I'm lucky I'm healthy enough to to do it.  Some people can't and don't have a choice but to have others clean for them.  I've been blessed with good health and I can do it!
I'm blessed!

Some Summer 2011 pictures -